Many thanks to work colleague John German for tipping me the winner in the 2.30 at Chester, thus netting me 40 quid.
"But deadman, whenever you've been with us you've refused to bet on the horses".
Shut your face, I'm bored.

Sweet Jesus. Now women can pee standing up. Hoorah.
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stolen

I know some of you are going to spend all of Friday at work playing this little annoyance...
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stolen

HOW TO TURN ON A COMPUTER
Let's read that line again.
HOW TO TURN ON A COMPUTER
Yes you read it right.
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stolen

I am indeed very bored at work today, having nothing to do.

Entering the Guardian's Best British Blog competition (a ludicrous thing to do given my complete lack of web design acumen and penchant for just stealing links from other blogs) has prompted me to have a look around the blogging universe once again. It's not a very interesting place; full of back biting teenagers talking about nothing except the act of blogging itself. There's enough paranoid narcissism posing as content out there, and I don't need to add my tuppence worth here, so I stand by my link stealing philosophy.

On the other hand, I've discovered Web Trumps. Zannah's in there; I want to be too. Guess I'll have to become a talented web designer and fill my site with content. Or make my own Top Trumps instead; whatever happened to the Glastonbury Top Trumps (Barry) and the Zakynthos Top Trumps (popisdead).

I'M SO FUCKING BORED

I have a feeling this could be just an uncanny lookalike, because I can't think of any reason why Lee Hurst would be advertising Sun Microsystems.

I discovered Mr Scruff and his fantastic music last month, despite the fact that he is very famous and comes from Stockport and plays one of my favourite clubs in Manchester regularly. Every time I try and tell someone about him they tell me he is indeed very good and they've been listening to him for years. It's getting somewhat embarrassing.

So, at 7.30am I arrive back from Creamfields 2002.



Great acts seen: Timo Maas, BK, Underworld.

As good as last year? Nope. This year they had an open air stage for the big more mainstream acts like Underworld and Faithless. I've said it before and I'll say it again, some acts just don't work with kind of vibe as far as I'm concerned. Every act that can appear at Cream should appear beneath a roof within the vibe of a rave.

But still, alot of fun. Particularly the hard house tent.

You are 20% geek.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

Ladies and gentlemen please welcome a female musical artiste with the soulful brilliance of Stevie Wonder circa Songs in the Key of Life - INDIA.Arie. And many thanks to Leesa for telling me about her. She appears to be very famous in yankland, but I've never heard of her.

Man Robbed After Sucking Nipples Smeared With Knock-out Drops

An email from a stranger; Just seen your site ...I've got a site, thought you might like to add it to your Fun Stuff links. Blah blah fucking blah. Oh piss off.

Except the web site is really good, which is a bit of a shocker. It's like b3ta but without the impenetrable clique - just a load of funny stuff and escapades for you to try. The manked news section (links to news stories about stupid people) will be added to my daily splurge most definitely. Equally, I had no idea it was possible to send anonymous emails. This will now get abused relentlessly for about a week until I get bored of it.

Click here. Now.

I wish finding links could always be this easy.

Discover a man's penis size by entering their nose size, their hand size and their foot size.

I didn't like what it said about me. It was accurate, but I didn't like it.

I don't know why people looking for tits keep coming to my page, but following sex searches for my mates Jodie and Leesa, now we have a visitor to www.deadmanjones.co.uk who was looking for emma's tits. She probably did it herself knowing her...

Oh, and we got yet another person searching for depressed photos. Porn and depression do indeed find a home on my website.

They've officially launched the service, and tagging now costs 50p a time, which I don't think is a bad deal. They've now added a songmail service, so once the piece of music is tagged you can send a 30 second clip to a friend along with a personal message...

A new gadget

in readiness for Creamfields.

Saturday night. Bored. Lonely. Fed up.

Suddenly the Top Ten of greatest TV moments has a brand new entry.


Jarvis Cocker as Rolf Harris on Star in Their Eyes

You may be wondering what I'm doing sitting in watching Stars in their Eyes on yet another Saturday night in alone. So am I.

Well, after these purchases, my final Glastonbury inspired purchase has arrived. Jospehine Oniyama comes well recommended.

Final purchase that is aside from the three other White Stripes CDs I'm about to order...

Somebody for God sake explain this game to me, cos I ain't got a clue

from b3ta.

As far as I'm concerned this is the sort of thing the internet was invented for. Educational, brilliantly designed and yet another reason for me to get broadband (Click 'Launch Atlas').

There is now only one month to wait.

Let's hope it's better than the Seahorses (couldn't be much worse).

Well, since four months ago, three months ago and one month ago, my weight has dropped again.



Which is just silly. On the plus side I am lifting more weights at Body Pump, so I guess muscle will soon abound and I'll put weight on...

Won't I?

Off to Ireland in the morning, back to my home town for a wedding so undoubtedly I'll return with lots of hazy and vague memories and a few bruises...

This strikes me as kinda funky...

Internet only Peter Kay John Smiths Ad

I guess mosta my friends know I use DigiGuide - searchable TV listings on my desktop. It searches for keywords, and reminds me of programmes with a cheery shout of "deadmanjones, Dilbert is starting in five minutes". I find it indispensible, and it is launching in the US of A this 'fall'. So if there are any Yanks reading this, I urge you to get it...

DigiGuide

Make a note in your diaries (you listening Poade?)...

A Johnny Vegas Radio SitCom

Ssssshhhh...

US planned to nuke Europe in WWII

You're gonna like this one, I guarantee it. Somebody visted my site yesterday by typing photos of people being depressed into Yahoo.

My site came third...

Nack's Zakynthos Photos are finally here.



Nack's done a damn good job of telling the stories and explaining the sights, so head over there to read what happened, cos I can't be arsed telling you. I'm very glad we got this photo though...



This is around 8AM (I'm in the background eating what the hotel claimed were corn flakes). Me and Nack woke up (the one day we did so so early, having booked a cruise round the island) to find Poade and Jet unconscious in the hotel foyer ten minutes after they had arrived back. I tried for some time to awaken Poade and eventually he shot up with a wild look in his eyes as he tried to focus on the world about him.

"Eggs?" he asked.
"No Poade, there's no eggs" I calmly explained.
"Aaaaahhh, fucking hell. Jet! Jet, no eggs!" he angrily exclaimed as he trudged off to bed.

Jet remained unware of the egg crisis however, still being unconscious. We shook him, we shouted at him, and in the end we left him. He awoke suddenly and violently about an hour later, just as the crowd of hotel staff stood around him were about to give up and phone for the ambulance. Jet's terror at finding himself surrounded by strangers towering over him was equally matched by that of the staff when the dead Englishman on their sofa suddenly leapt up and shrieked at them...

What was the only topic of conversation in the office today?

Phoenix Nights - Series Two

What else? (Until the third series of Black Books comes around. And since How Do You Want Me? is no more).

At 9pm on Friday August 16th, 50 lucky ManchesterAD.com readers will be whisked away in a blacked out bus for a 45 minute drive to an unnamed stately home. Once there you'll find yourself in the company of 450 other people, 4 marquee tents, two sound systems, two chill out areas, 100 flares, 3 huge fires, 10+ sofas, and one heavily stocked bar! DJs selected to play on the night will be confirmed in our e-flyer going out on Monday, where you can get your name down and reserve tickets. Full details on Monday."

Manchester After Dark

Who can turn this down at that price?

I am indeed proud to be british, but I'm basicially only linking this so George and Giles can see a nice picture of Will Young painted gold showing pubic hair. Or did they vote for the other one?

The Memory Hole [rescuing knowledge, freeing information] is an engrossing, occasionally jaw dropping site which I think I'm gonna include on my daily internet news splurge from now on.

Stolen from Darian.

I think everyone who knows me knows about my penchant for t-shirts (which borders the line between fetishist and shopaholic). Well, I got another, and this is one is kinda impressive.



I don't think I'd wear it at an American airport though...

I want to go on a virtual picnic.

Shazam™ is GENIUS.

You ring them on your mobile and hold the phone up to some music for fifteen seconds ("tagging"), within ten seconds it TXTs you back with the artist and title.

I tagged David Bowie Rebel Rebel, I tagged Pulp Mis-shapes - it got both of them. Genius.

So I got clever and tried the quiet intro of Dr John's "Gris Gris Gumbo Ya Ya".

SHAZAM GOT IT.

Better than genius. Fecking Einstein. Go sign up for them NOW.

I've been turned down for a credit card. I didn't want or need it, but getting turned down was worrying - do I have a bad credit rating because of a student loan? Because of mistakes made by the DSS on my JA?

I checked my UpMyStreet rating, and discovered it's none of those things - it's because I live with dead beats...

George should like this game.

Friday means more links stolen from b3ta.

The 8 Bit Movie Challenge

I want one!!!

Many thanks to Billy the instructor at tonight's BODYPUMP for forcing the four fellas who turned up to stand in front facing all the women during the bicep workout. Shouting "Come on, let's hear some effort, you're impressing these ladies" was just the icing on the cake.

Zakynthos merchandise has been added. Anybody not there will not know why, neither will you care.