Hi,

Was wondering if you could do me a favour. I'm currently trying to launch an innovative pub guide. Has features to beat AfterDark, and have developed the whole thing myself. At the moment I am looking for members and having a slow nightmare getting listed on google. I haven't got the marketing budget of the Manchester Evening News! A link on your site would be much appreciated... as would you telling your friends about the site. It is a bit bare at the moment, but things are starting to move.

Thanks for listening,

Ste

PC screen turns into speaker

I bought some CDs the other day. They were EMI titles. The came with Copy Control technology embedded on them, and as a result will not play on my Wharfedale DVD. They will play on my computer however, making it very easy for me to copy them. So the Copy Control technology does not stop me copying, but does stop me listening directly to them.

I advised the superb CD-WOW of this, suggested they warn customers, and advised them I didn't want a refund as I did actually want the CDs. Their response was as quick and as customer friendly as ever:

"We do plan on updating our web site in the future, to indicate which titles we stock are copy protected. At the moment it is about twenty titles from our full catalogue.

Please note that we are prepared to refund you for these CDs - or exchange them for alternative titles you may wish to receive - at no cost to you if desired.

Please let us know."

But they shouldn't have to, it's not their fault. It's EMI's fault. So, instead, EMI should be strung up by their balls. That's my way of looking at it anyway.

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The problem arises depending on how clever your DVD player is ie: they'll play on shit DVD players.

TVGoHome's recent update is worth mentioning, not least because it's suprisingly accurate as to what is actually cluttering up my gogglebox.

March 2003

georgied is a Cake-Eating Woollen Monkey with a Battle Rating of 1.9.
poade is a Mushroom-Eating Cowboy Monkey with a Battle Rating of 5.0.
deadmanjones is a Bug-Eating Flying Monkey with a Battle Rating of 6.1.

If you have sound on your PC click this and bring back 'fond' memories of sitting on a library floor carpeted with stuff a millimetre thick that soaked up coffee stains better than Bounty and retained them better than Memorex.

I should probably mention a text message I received last night I guess. It said "Hello Uncle Al". The strange thing is it was from my brother, not one of my nephews or nieces.

I wonder what that could mean?

Like I don't have enough Star Wars toys littering my flat, looks like I'm going to be filling the concrete space with Red Dwarf merchandise too.

3D monitors to hit shops this year

BOD: SEXUALITY AND SURREALISM
from The Fulford And Tang Hall Curmudgeon

It appears that at least one of the countries of the alliance has turned into an Orwellian nightmare - Where Have All The Muslims Gone?.
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Can you believe that that silly, twisted Irish man georgied claimed not to know who this little chap was?
Young people today eh? What do they teach em in School?
[1][2][3]

London as seen from the ISS. Rather fine.

Couronne some sort of snooker cum slidy ring thing. with chat.
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Wireless power charges gadgets

The longevity of Wolverhamptonites despite their copious alcohol intake has confused scientists for years. They have now found the answer.

AMERICAKOKKI. Wander around randomly. You'll be amused.
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I usually absent mindedly watch BBC News 24 of an evening, but tonight I can't. For some unknown reason it's been scrapped and replaced with a rerun of Chris Morris' The Day Today...

BETHL'HEM: That's it, Chris - it's war! War has broken out - this is a war! MORRIS: That's it! Yes - it's war! [The normal blue studio lighting changes to a blood red. A wall of huge letters spelling 'WAR' is illuminated. Technicians pour in and start turning the studio into a media command centre. Craste and his desk are hurriedly wheeled away.] MORRIS: From now on, The Day Today will be providing the most immediate coverage of any war ever fought. On the front line and in your face, Donald Bethl'hem. MAN WITH GLASSES: Standing by, Douglas Hurd. MORRIS: The Day Today smart bombs have nose-mounted cameras, this is smart bomb Steven [goes to a monitor showing in-flight cruise missile footage], and that is Susanna Gekkaloys. GEKKALOYS: I'll be reporting from inside the fight! [She races off] MORRIS: Like some crazy Trojan! And keeping an eye on everything that's going on out there, at The Day Today news pipe, Douglas Trox! TROX: Chris! MORRIS: But first, the weather from Sylvester Stuart.

Sometimes work email can be very enlightening. Check out what customers who bought this 50" Plasma Display have also been buying...

He's thought of another way to make himself poor - Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure.

Me want, me want!

It looks good.

I do wish they'd hurry about it though. Late 2003 indeed.

Happy St Patrick's Day.

If anyone wants me I'll be in Mulligans for the rest of the day...

Erin Go Bragh!

"Shaun of the Dead, the Zombie movie by Spaced's Simon Pegg and Edgar Wright, is to go into production later this year.
The film, described by Wright as, "Richard Curtis shot through the head by George Romero", will begin filming in May, and promises to be a bloodsoaked extravaganza of epic proportions.
And, if you have ever harboured a desire to lurch, shuffle, gnaw and be shot to bits - this is your chance, because Simon, Edgar, and the rest, are looking for extras from which they can compose their army of the living dead.
Even better, the Best Zombie Actors will be awarded with a loving photographed head explosion. Lovely. It's worth noting, though, that there is no guarantee you'll be paid for your labours. But then again, you're not doing it for the money, are you?"

And while we're with the Spaced crowd (the genius that is Peter Serafinowicz et al), can someone explain why their brilliant Blankety Blank episode from hell was relegated to half one on the fucking morning? Charity my arse.

Glastonbury just gets better and better this year.

If troubled diva gets more than 234 comments by midnight Friday, the silly chap will give £100 to Comic Relief.

And YACCS will collapse.

Your historical role model is Ronald Reagan.

Kiss my fucking arse is he! First I'm Montgomery Burns, now I'm a fascist. Bloody web quizzes.
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Kill Bonzai Buddy!
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Homeland Security Threat Monitor - "The Homeland Security Threat Monitor is a small Windows application that runs in your system tray, showing the current terrorism threat level. It periodically checks to make sure the information is up to date by contacting the Department of Homeland Security web server."

You gotta admit, that's genius.
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I am Mr Burns. Poade is Lisa Simpson. Which Simpson character are you?

Create your own Mallachtaí with the Celtic Curse Engine.

I can now provide cast iron advise NOT to use a JML Whisk 'o' Lait to stir your whisky. It makes a mess of your kitchen.

I've added a few good links to the blog sidebar for those of us visiting Brighton at the end of April.

Some of the deadmanblog team are getting restless. This post came after several months of pestering me ended in apathetic failure. Well, not apathetic exactly, just fear and laziness. Now he emails me to tell me he's bought:

1 of: The World Awaits: How to Travel Far and Well
1 of: A Rough Guide Special: First Time Around the World: Everything You
Need to Know Before You Go (Rough Guides)
1 of: World Map (Rolled - 40" x 56")

I can only suggest he instead buy this and perhaps visit this. It's the rolled up World Map that worries me the most.

"Are you torn between climbing the corporate ladder or throwing on a sarong in Goa?
Do all your mates seem more successful and sorted than you do?
Are you suffocated by choice, responsibility, and self-doubt?
Are money, homelife and relationships stressing you out?
Do these questions just make you want to crawl back under your duvet?
Surprisingly, you are not alone...you could be in the middle of a Quarterlife Crisis."

Or you could be in the middle of the human race. Personally I put it entirely down to evolution. We no longer have battles to fight or sabre toothed tigers to despatch, so there's a nagging need to do something but no one knows what. And nothing you try will scratch that itch.

But you can't see the horizon from a server room.

Spark XVII got put down yesterday. First time we've had to have a budgie put down. How do they put budgies down? Well it's funny you should ask that, because I've just been reading this great big book on how to put your budgie down, and evidently you can either hit them with the book, or shoot them just above the beak. Of course, Mrs Essence flushed hers down the loo, but that's dangerous, cos they breed in the sewers, and eventually you get huge evil smelling flocks of soiled budgies flying out of people's lavatories, infringing their personal freedom.

And the one before that drowned in a glass of water.

Oh my god, I’ve run out of white rum! For those that are not aware I buy them by the 1.5lt and it never ceases to amaze me how fast it disappears…

I blame those 50ml optics…

And my heritage…

Do I really have to go to work in the morning..?

So I own a digital camera.

and this is where I sit at work

Christina Ricci takes on nude role

So I'm sad, I'm chauvenistic and I should get a life. But you can't stop me being excited.

Cut sugar to battle obesity, says report. Seriously, how much do these fucking people get paid?

Because blogger does most of my work for me, I hadn't noticed it before. But now the literature student pedant in me is angered and obsessed - the www.yournotme.com URL is grammatically incorrect. It is an abbreviation of "You are not me". OK, you can't have the apostrophe in an URL, but the e should be there. Unless of course the web designer is inviting me to own "notme".

I think I've had too much coffee. Or not enough.

If there's one thing more embarrassing than being a weakling carrying a heavy new 17 inch monitor, it's being a weakling carrying a heavy new 17 inch monitor and falling over. In front of the marketing team.

Hmmm, I seemed to have a good time last night then.

It's rare to find good customer service, especially on the internet, but CD WOW have managed it. And bare in mind this is a Sunday.

11.21 I email to say an order hasn't arrived
12.08 "Marcella" replies and asks me to confirm the delivery address
12.15 I reply
12.29 Marcella replies again and says a replacement will be sent immediately

We're living in a world where the bus fare hoime costs more than the train fare there. But on the otherhand the 192 tockport at 2.30 aqm is a place of new found friendships and cabaret extraordinaire, If there is a better bus route in all of christendom i have yet to hear of it, indeed, if you think your local bus route is better then COME AND HAVE A GO IF YOU THINK YOU'RE HARD ENOUGH. I'll fucking nut you into next weeek. yoyu cunbt,

i want to be a part of it. in olkd stock-port. if i can't make itnhere, then i can't make it fucxking anywhere. it's up to you stockport, stockport.


differences between wolverhampron and stockport number 167: when mr scruff plays james brown he does it with fucking gusto. yeah. mr fucking scruff. key 103 can suck my fiucking cock. fucking cunts.

By using www.yournotme.com we find there are 4448 people in the UK called Alan Jones, 33 George Devines, 17 Barry Steers...

...but there's only one Matthew Poade. We kinda knew that anyway.