IWOOT, evidently dredging the bottom of the barrel, have made me their May photo of the month and given me a 50 quid spending voucher. So expect more funky shit to suddenly arrive in my flat (suggestions welcomed).

This sounds like a hoax, but it's worth perpetuating around the net a few hundred thousand times. MARIA POPPINS - a latino remake of Mary Poppins.

So, I have a new Job folks. I start on June 17th.

I drove home from my lesson today! I went on roundabouts! I only stalled three times! I reversed out of a parking space! I didn't sulk once!

The Glastonbury Tickets have arrived! Happy Days!

I've won two tickets to The Isle of Wight Festival on Monday! Who wants to drive me?!

What a fantastic day, and I've only been awake for 4 1/2 hours.

Who wants to see Python Terry Jones' intestines?

Hey, waddya know, Narilka put up a link to me too. Thank you thank you thank you. (She also blogged this which is a very cool little beta search engine that visualises the internet and all it's many links. It's actually kinda useful).

So, you're probably wondering what the below journal entry is all about. You know, so am I. I'll leave it on as a reminder of how nastily paranoid I get when I'm drunk. Forgot to take the camera, so no Women of Smoo.

There is something worse than lies and something worse than secrets. That thing is discovering something that, in the past, when you had close friends, you would have known away. Yet now, the fact that you discover it without it being shared, without it being announced, proves you no longer have the the close friends you once thought you did. Lies and secrets shows you the friends who aren't as close as you thought. But what I'm talking about shows you the people who used to be friends but apparently no longer are; at least not close ones. Fuck them all. Fuck them all to hell.

I want to move to Wolverhampton. But I don't.

Blog Bauns under the heading "Annoyingly simple games that you'll play till your eyes bleed". Or just call it Breakout meets Boggle.

world's smallest game of pong

Big, big shout to Glendon, who has added me to his honoured list of linx. I'll take some photos of my female mates tomorrow night and send it in to the Women of Smoo. This is cheating, but the alternative is I dress up as a woman, and I'm not doing that twice in the same week.

So, very, very windy today. I love living on the 19th floor; currently all the walls shake when a gust hits. I've got used to the sound of the bedroom mirror rattling every few seconds. I did venture out briefly, but only to meet Rach and give her her birthday present (Poade chose this brief sojourn from my abode to phone me at home. Tough luck buster). Tomorrow is the big celebration, when I get to see a number of people I haven't seen in a long time. We start at Belle Vue and then off to the Quay Bar. Last night we had a few bottles of wine in Iguana, and I haven't drunk in a while. Didn't wake up in the best of health this morning, so no gym. Thankfully though no aches after yesterdays Body Pump, so next week I up the weights I think.

Got an interview on Monday.

Well since a month ago, I've lost some weight...


Hurrah!

Had this worm sent me 3 times in the last 24 hours. Seems to have become more widespread than usual (Nack sent it me on purpose the other week. Nice of him, no?). Be on your guards folks.

Death Knell of the critic

I am a Star Wars fan. The makers of Star Wars made a Star Wars film for people like me who like Star Wars films. I saw it. I liked it.

I am very sorry that this makes arrogant critics the world over feel impotent and unimportant, but there is a reason you feel that way. It's because you are. Please feel free to continue saying Attack of the Clones is boring, badly acted, badly scripted, cartoonish, racist rubbish, because the rest of us aren't listening to you in the slightest any more. We tolerated your reviews when Phantom Menace came out but now, with your universal condemnation of Star Wars II, you're just making yoursleves look foolish. We, the Star Wars fans of the world, love this film, and we couldn't give a rats arse if this shameless display of independent thinking does ruin your Randolph Hearst inspired dreams of influencing the thoughts of the masses.

Rant over.

Dean Stockwell and Scott Bakula in Star Trek. My brain hurts.

Hurrah

News: Vegas given Runaround

SHITE PRICE - How much is your poo worth ?

Jamie and his Magic Todger - presented by Joel Veitch rathergood.com.

Another rathergood link stolen from b3ta.

Achieve enlightenment with H and Claire from Steps.

Skating Down Shit Street!

Photo Page Updated

I bought some stuff today for 200 quid, 250 quid and 90 quid on a shirt and trousers (yet more quiksilver folks).

Better find a job soon...

Dr. Phil says, a friend is not someone who asks you to stick his penis in your mouth.

Off to the doctors this morning, and a change to my medication ensued. My right hand is now using a much stronger steroid cream, whilst my left hand is trying a brand new cream called Protopic. It was introduced to this country on May 1st, so I'm one of the first to trial it. The long term side effects are not known (until I tell them in twenty years time), but could include inflammation, burning sensations, a reduced tolerance to alcohol, acne, herpes, and increased danger of skin cancer.

Also went back to Body Pump for more punishment. Found myself walking like the scarecrow from the wizard of Oz when I left...

News: Bob Mortimer to box Les Dennis

Hey former planetarion boyz, shall we start on something new? Let's all become pimps; buying and selling whores, thugs, guns and drugs...

Have signed up as deadmanjones.

BBC - EastEnders - Ricky and Bianca Special

Walford is coming to Manchester where Craig Charles plays a dodgy club owner. Hopefully this will be as insulting to us Mancunians as the infamous Eastenders in Ireland episodes were to the spud munchers.

Monday 13th and Monday 20th May, 8.30pm, BBC One.

Badger Racing! Space for a nitro burn, click on an opponent to drop a bomb on them. Mildly amusing (another link stolen from b3ta).

BBC - Choice Games - Roadies - an excellent Lemmings cloan.

I ache so much after yesterday. But on the plus side, the Sky people came, and I'm trying to cope with total channel overload (and I've only got the £16 package). Gave my old ITV Digital to my parents so me mum can delight in Corrie repeats on ITV2, a new series of Robot Wars on BBC Choice and all the documentaries on BBC Four.

DigiGuide now takes 8 minutes to download the new TV listings every week, but I need it more than ever...

News:Peter Kay to front £20m ad campaign

I'm posting this cos I like Peter Kay. Nuff said.

Err Msg: Your Password Must Be at Least 18770 Characters

eBay item 1722928535 (Ends Apr-22-02 09:37:12 PDT ) - REAL LIFE SUPER HERO SERVICES!!! L@@K

The now world famous Samantha Arnull

Indiana Jones 4

This seems to be moving towards definite production after years of rumours, though everything is still to be finalised. Sean Connery has said he will probably return, Harrison Ford and Spielberg have mysteriously left a huge hole in their schedules, George Lucas has said he'll probably work on it after episode two... Due for release 2004?

Ain't It Cool News - View Article

IWOOT added my wine rack review.

This represents my first published work as a writer in some years...

White Stripes Game

Oh sweet jesus, what has the world come to?

TENBY

The photo of me, Mary and Poade stoned is worth clicking the above link I assure you.

What a match.

Fucking cunts. Just after I bought the l'espion...

Tenby? Sun, sand, sea, tans, getting stoned, panic attacks, fear and loathing moments in the Holiday Camp club... a fantastic time was had by all.

I'm not going to sign up but the deal Sainsbury's Mobile are offering intrigues me. Someone read the T&C, I can never be arsed.

Immortalise yourself in Lego!

Fly The Copter

Sign the England World Cup Flag.

Unfortunately I'm no longer going camping and was even more depressed to find out that I was the only person logged on. My, my, there are a lot of slashers in there!

Stan sparks race row

At the player of the year event, Boardman joked: "I see Woodgate and Bowyer are here tonight. They went to a club last night. When they came out, one said to the other 'I could murder an Indian'."

We all know a ginger twat
Gary, Gary
We all know a fucking twat
Gary, Gary Megson