okily dokily neddy

Pacemaker 'cure' for depression

"Scientists have developed a "brain pacemaker" that can cure depression by drilling holes into the skull and attaching electrodes to the brain which create a brighter mood."

you sank my shitting battleship

Battleships with Mr Insult. Puerile.

It's Just a Plant

It's Just a Plant

"We believe that a child's first awareness of drugs should come from a better source than the government, the media or drug manufacturers. It's Just a Plant is for parents who want to be involved in discussing and educating their children abou the effects, the dangers and the benefits of marijuana."

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Japanese Shirt

This alleged Japanese shirt slogan...


...sums up rather neatly why I never buy shirts with foreign writing I don't understand on them. You're all wandering around with "My gerbil has strangle nun lots" written on your chests, you do know that don't you?

Sudan 1: What every parent should know

The ever funny Rockall Times comes up with a brilliant response to the current "a cat we once gave it to caught cancer thirteen years later" Sudan 1 'crisis'...

My boy loves his Thin & Crispy Pizza with Pepperoni and Worcester Sauce. Now they tell me it could kill him. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Stay calm. There are literally dozens of alternatives to pre-cooked meals which will help your son through the temporary withdrawal of processed-meat-product-topped dough discs.
Oh yeah? Name one.
Fruit.
I've heard of that. How many minutes in the microwave?
No, you can eat it raw. Apples are good.
You must be joking. I'm not letting my child eat something which just fell off a tree. God alone knows what he might catch.

phunny links and more

On the 9th of September 2004 at 2 in the afternoon, Bazzoh sent us all a link to TOWER BLASTER. It has 8 levels. As of today's date, February 22nd 2005, I have completed it.

There will therefore be no apology or expression of regret to the Daily Mail group

Mayor of London's Statement 22 February 2005: "To the Daily Mail group I say that no-one in Britain is less qualified than they to complain about anti-semitism... the Mail group no longer smears Jews as bringing crime and disease to the UK... they have moved on and now describe asylum seekers and Muslims in similar terms. For the Mail group the victims may change but the intolerance, hatred and fear pervade every issue of the papers."

The full text of red Ken's statement is well worth the read. You'd be aggrieved if the Daily Mail accused you of racism too. It's like Hugh Heffner complaining about pronography.

he stomped terra

As you attorney I recommend something stronger than aspirin.

edit
Come to think of it, I never noted the passing of a similar hero last month...

"Malcolm Hardees final send-off was completed last night with a gig at the club he founded – ending with a stage full of dancing naked men, including one with a firework up his backside."

Malcolm Hardee was clearly more than just a todger with a balloon in front of it. He was also a thief and a drunkard. Someone to admire and love in fact. Many funny tales at the Malcolm Hardee memorial guestbook, including entries from Jerry Sadowitz, Charlie Chuck, Jeremy Hardy et al.

Happy Computers Training - A Great Place to Work

Happy Computers Training - A Great Place to Work is "a great place to work"... and their disclaimer proves it. After reading it I'm convinced it's not only a great place to work, but that all the people who work for it would be great people to go for a drink with too.

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Notepad Invaders

Notepad Invaders. The sound will drive youm schizoid.

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Miss Betty at the thrift store

'Dave' made fun of this before I managed to, but John Galliano's "sweatshirt and down vest layered over loose trousers, with a chunky knit cap", as featured in the New York Times, is a sight to behold. Not for the usual antipredispostmodern fashion-bashing reasons, but because, intentionally or not, it looks like every old, insane-yet-endearing, homeless woman that has appeared in an American movie from the 1980s to the present day...

Underwater gnome threat 'returns'

Underwater gnome threat 'returns': "Wastwater is quite clear at the bottom, but there's nothing to see. At a depth of about 48m, divers had taken gnomes down and put a picket fence around them. But several years ago there were a number of fatalities and the Lake District National Park Authority asked us to get rid of them... now there's a rumour about a new garden beyond the 50m depth limit."

I first read this story on my phone, where the graphic used was a jocular line of gnomes. On the BBC website however they're evidently doing their best to make it sound serious - but really you know the apostrophes should be around 'threat' in their headline and not 'returns'...

Death, dinosaurs and gopher sex

Damn funny cartoons from Nicholas Gurewitch over at the Perry Bible Fellowship (thankyou Andrew).

Which reminds me; Don Herztfeldt's new film is finally completed and doing the rounds. In America.

Film festival scmilm festival

The most important event at Cannes this year - Sony Ericsson releasing new products. Mmmmm, K600i. What the news media is picking up on is that now they're going to do Walkman's. Clever old news media. We've already got mobiles devices with MP3, a good size memories and a speakers, but that's not news. Sellotape a walkman logo to it though and suddenly it's new technology.

make money not art cull

2 links stolen from we make money not art...

Coming to a bin near you, the spy that tells how much rubbish you create: "...the microchips will be used to tell council officers how many of the borough's 100,000 bins the refuse collectors have emptied and how many have been missed.... [they] may well be adapted so that the council can judge whether they are producing too much rubbish."

Multi-player PacMan jumps between devices

Multi-player PacMan jumps between devices: "PacMan Must Die! - is played on Toshiba Pocket PC hand-held computers, which automatically connect to one another via an ad-hoc wireless computer network.

When a ghost leaves one side of the player's screen, instead of reappearing on the opposite side of the maze in the same display, it instantly leaps to the nearest person's console. To continue, the player must look over that person's shoulder at his or her computer screen."

Big Bass Theory

Brief History of Rhyme: "Dr. Hawking lost the use of his vocal chords in an operation to assist his breathing in 1985. Since then he's used a speech synthesizer that speaks for him when he types in the computer what he wants to say. After seeing the Beastie Boys in 1988, be became obsessed with rap and immersed himself in the culture, favoring the harder-edged music by NWA and The Ghetto Boyz. From this, MC Hawking was born. Here are 16 dope, booty shaking, digitally mastered tracks from the undisputed king of theoretical gangsta-astrophysics..."

RFID badges coming to a school near you

RFID badges coming to a school near you: "the only grade school in a California rural town, is requiring students to wear FRID badges that can track their every move. Teenagers must wear those identification cards around their necks with their picture, name and grade and a wireless transmitter that beams their ID number to a teacher's handheld computer"

gizoogle

"...Me n Nizzle on our recent tizzy ta tha alps..."

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Geekgate

Hi George readers, here's some Stargate news.

On the day the 90 minute episode Threads has its global premiere on UK channel Sky One, there comes the offical website for the computer game (can't be worse than Samurai Jack), and news that the Beau Bridges, the Louis Gossett Jnr and the Mitch Pileggi will all be joining Stargate next season. Beware spoilers on that last link George readers...

Project Blinkenlights

Project Blinkenlights: "With Arcade you can play Tetris with your mobile phone - on a playground 3370 metres square in size. Whoever stands in front of Bibliotheque nationale de France can connect himself with the building by dialing 33 (1) 44 24 73 50. The current show will be interrupted and the text 'TETRIS' announces that the game can begin."

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black manga

Face Perception

Lee sent me a link to web application called a Face Transformer. I tried the different options on my face and here are the results:

1)Original Photo, 2)Baby Face, 3)Teenager

(click permalink for full post)
4)As an older man, 5)Of Afro-Caribean origin, 6)Of East-Asian origin


7)Of West-Asian origin, 8)Feminised, 9)In the style of Modigliani


10)In the style of Botticelli, 11)In the style of El-Greco, 12)In a japanese manga cartoon style


13)Apeman (50% chimpanze)