tag, you're it

I recall at Primary School that when we went to the swimming baths (so that we might practice the art of rescuing drowning bricks whilst wearing our pyjamas), it was not uncommon for the teacher to tell us to pair off and hold hands whilst navigating the busy streets. Little did I know that that teacher was thereby showing herself to be a filthy, filthy pedo...

...a law has been introduced which forbids under-16s from engaging in any sexual activity - ranging from "touching" to full intercourse. Sexual touching, the Act says, includes doing it "with any part of the body", "with anything else", and "through anything".

Presumably parents should no longer tell their children to kiss and make up, ring a ring a roses is to face a ban, and any one playing kiss chase is to be burnt at the stake...

Good way to cull the cast of Friends and Sex in the City though

From the country where crossing the street is a crime so serious they have a word for it we find that now Dog-walking New Yorkers fear electrocution: "30-year-old Jodie Lane, a doctoral student, [was] killed on January 16 when she and her two dogs stepped on a metal plate electrified by a faulty underground cable... In 1999 a carriage horse was killed when it stepped on an electrically charged manhole cover in midtown Manhattan."

stolen

quantum butterfly

The Hubble Space Telescope has imaged the death throes of a searingly hot, Sun-like star that has cast off its outer layers in a form resembling the opalescent wings of a giant butterfly.

Gas in the Bug Nebula, officially called NGC 6302, is being ionised by an unseen star - one of the hottest known - at the intersection of the wings.

testing

sdsfasdf

I AM AN UNWANTED BLOG - PLEASE DELETE ME!!


Bazzoh Alan

sweet and sour

Dance band Orbital announce split. The last gig is going to be Glastonbury. Is there any point scheduling anybody for the other stages when they're on? This one's gonna be special...

Penny Arcade Remix Project

Japanese students making cartoon strips in english. Some of them are very funny.

Penny Arcade Remix Project

"...well, it looks like Alan, but it's smiling, so it can't be..."

Demands have been made that I make some sort of announcement.



I class that as an announcement. Thank you and good night.

Generation X writer for RSC stage

Douglas Coupland to perform at Stratford in Autumn

Andorran Photos from nack

Popisdead (and much of the Wolverhampton posse) in Andorra

photo recognition more accurate than GPS

New Scientist: Photo recognition software gives location. Take out your cellphone, photograph the nearest building and press send. For a small fee, photo recognition software on a remote server works out precisely where you are...

Bull shit. Frankly. You try it in a terrace in Stoke for starters.

easter weekend part two

Etherow Goyt Valley Way

easter weekend part one

a trip to Alderley

Remember Me?

Nice game from miniclip.com called Red Beard.

Litter louts are named and shamed

BBC NEWS: Litter louts are named and shamed.

Good. Messy fuckers.

like Jeffrey Archer marking God's homework

Barçabook has finally been reviewed (very, very slow reader). This is the permalink to it, to make this post archive proof.

I, er, go off on one slightly. But then it wouldn't be a real deadmanjones post if I didn't now would it? Don't expect Poade to echo my words - but then if he bothered to buy it and read it he could review it himself couldn't he?

For sale...

The house is finally up on the market, you'd think they'd use someone who doesn't have one leg shorter than the other to take the picture!

wimpy still better

meh. they're trying to hard. focacia bun? that ain't no burger.

A 22ft robotic arm

'Robo' ride makes British debut.

Cool. Let us know what it's like Nack.

Please state the nature of the medical emergency.

It was only a matter of time before the doctor's psychosis got the better of him. Dr Watson has Dr Watsoned on himself...

PCs for dummies

Staying on the dummies theme, someone has made a PC into a dummy.

'for dummies' book in production...

Dummies for dummies...

The world has hit a new low

drunken shopping

Hauppauge WinTV PVR USB 2. Should I or shouldn't I? I have a DVD writer, I guess I should...

Friday's Night Out

Another enjoyable evening in the splendour of the Plaza Super Cinema last night. The inspiration for Frank Spencer and Mr Bean (and far, far superior), Jacque Tati, in the very funny Monsieur Hulot's Holiday. Paired with the amusing Oscar winning short Heureux Anniversaire.

Both were almost beaten for laughs though by the 1967 Pathe Newsreel. Ten minutes of the Queen visiting Canada; "...her majesty has a glow that only a woman truly enjoying herself can have. There is a very gay atmosphere...". This was followed by a brief slice of "...elsewhere, a tornado in Holland kills ten...".

I take it all back

I love Glastonbury! I love Poade! I love Neil Allen! I love everyone in Wolverhampton who kept pressing redial! Zoe loves you too! I love everyone! I'm the happiest little short arse slaphead in the world!

Except for Danny de Vito, who's very rich, and no doubt therefore happy.

Glastonbury rant

Glasto Official Site: "Aloud.com described the level of interest as “unprecedented”."

unprecedented: "Having no previous example"

A previous example? How about every other fucking time something popular has gone online and the website has been unable to cope? Peter Kay? The Louise Woodward verdict? The 1901 census returns?
Unprecedented my fucking arse. Mind, they did even better last year. They forgot to but a send button on the form.

it's a fucking DISASTER

See how popular Glastonbury is now they've guaranteed us the Darkness won't be playing...

must. kill. eavis.

wimpy no longer alone

McDonald's Quorn Premiere Sandwich. You have no idea how fat this little vegetarian is going to get.

Cannot find server

no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone, no, yes, yes, engaged tone...

did ya miss me internet? I missed you.

I'm back! And not a moment too soon. Georgied's apparently harmless suggestion I try setting up GPRS resulted in me somehow fucking up the driver for my bluetooth modem or something - couldn't use my phone as a modem no matter what anyhow. Oh well.

The BBC have a pretty good website about the phone chaos that's hit Manchester over the last few days (cash machines down, credit cards useless, no wages, no trams, emergency services using mobiles...).