gnawing on my own leg

Hello world. I am currently connecting to the internet by using my mobile phone as a modem via bluetooth at 9.6kbps, because a fire in a tunnel 30 metres beneath Manchester has destroyed most of the telephone connections for the North West of England. Remember that episode of Dilbert where they lost all satellite communication and they reverted to a medieval farming state? We're a few days away from that basically, and BT says it'll be a few days before everything returns to normal. 130,000 phone lines currently down. I've gone until now without an internet connection but my shaking became uncontrolable and I needed to sate my desires. My addiction is such that I haven't even drunk anything tonight because the cold turkey the absence of web browsing has caused is a stronger emotional response than my need for Scotch. Why do you mock me oh Lord? Bastard.

w33kly b3ta cull

That book i dug the innards out of and glued together when I was a kid fooled no one. That wall safe disguised as a plug socket has never convinced me either. The Skids Safe seems a lot more likely to keep pilferers from my pilferables however.

Zombie Kitten game. Basically Tank or Catapult or whatever your version is called.

Incredibly cute (and 800kb) jpeg of a squirrel


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alan's taste in music is brought to you by...

The only two friends I had during my first year at university have just died, and I was unable to attend the funeral due to work committments. David Bowie managed to though.

-----edit-----
The show is available to listen to at Radio 1. Fast forward to 40 mins and you'll get Thom Yorke, fast forward to 1:10 and you'll get Mull of 'kintyre (which, my American chums, the FCC probably wouldn't allow (Fucking Censoring Cunts)), and fast forward to 1:40 and you'll get Travis playing a Keane song in a Shirehorses style, Travis playing a Shirehorse version of a Travis song, Peter Kay, and all the gubbins that make up the end of an era...

telly dominates my life...

Whilst I remain a loyal and enthusiastic DigiGuide user (with it's saved keyword searches and automatic voice alerts), onthebox is probably something you should bookmark. Somehow (maybe it checks my area code?) it seems to automatically know what region you're in, and presents what's on now and later in a very simple format that is clutter free; a rarity these days. This would especially suit someone who only has terrestrial channels and has an always on broadband connection linked to his laptop in the living room. And lives in Wolverhampton. But it may suit others too.

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BBC NEWS: Outsiders fare worst in National

Outsiders fare worst in National: "The longer the odds on a horse running in the Grand National steeplechase, the less likely it is to complete the course, scientists have confirmed."

Get a FUCKING JOB.

the morning after

oh christ. barely four hours kip. on a sofa. my sofa. with someone's foot in my face. The coffee isn't working. I'm too old for this shit.

I know I'm too old because of a conversation I had on the train home from work last night...

young lad from finance: Do you watch banzai?
deadmanjones: Once in a while. I remember an episode where they bet on how many bottles of beer weighed the same as Shaun Ryder.
YLiF: Who's Shaun Ryder?
dmj: Happy Mondays.
YLiF:
dmj: Black Grape
YLiF:
dmj: His most famous moment was swearing on TFI Friday I suppose
YLiF: I remember watching TFI Friday, but I didn't really understand any of it at the time.
dmj:

saturday nite

The ting about buying the Black Books Series 2 DVD. The thing about buying and watching the Black Books Series 2 DVD and watching it. The thing about buying and watching the Black Books Series 2 DVD and then watching it with the cast commentary. |The thing about it is. The thing is. You have to EMBODY the character of Bernard Black as you watch it. Put simply, you have to drink wine. Plonk. Cheap wine. Horriblke wine. White spirits.

Spo I havre. Apparenlty Torrewds Vina Sol is made by the 4th generation of the Torres family of Catalonia, and is ideal as an aperitif or with rice dishes. Or with a DVD. Whatever. It's 11% volume, which isn't very much, and I'm sure I;m not that pissed. Ha! Jonny vegas. Cool.

Anyway, long short, the weather has knocked out my Sky box, and I hope I get satellite tv back soon, cos all I have left is Seabiscuit, which for some reason arrived in the post gthis morning. I don't know, I must have won a competition or something. But I don't think I'm going to retain sanity or composure with sea fucking biscuit. I must hate it. it's famous. I watched Akitra earlier, it's cool.

Mmm, wine.

Much L3ss Regular NTK cull

Michael Barrymore
Martine McCutcheon

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w33kly b3ta cull

good game

bad game

stol3n

Passion to be renamed "Mel Gibson's Bible"

Stephen King has got the rights to The Kingdom (I & II presumably), Lars von Trier's fantastic Danish show, and turned it into "Stephen King's Kingdom Hospital", starring Andrew McCarthy. I haven't seen it, I don't know what it's going to be like and it could be brilliant. But it isn't von Trier, it stars Andrew McCarthy and that hack King has had the audacity to put his name in the title. So may all involved in it burn in hell forever.

Link 1
Link 2

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Seriously Evil Shit Mission 3

Via my conduit for all musical brilliance, Bazzoh, comes a link for Ishkur's Guide to Electronic Music, so you can all hear examples of House, Trance, Breakbeat and Speedcore and decide which you like.

As expected I like NRG and UK Hard House. Except this guy calls UK Hard House "Stupid" and describes it as "retarded". He doesn't seem to like much really. Except Trance. And I now like "Goa Trance", which should be handy if I ever get round to visiting the place.

And gabber is still utterly insane. To be able to dance to it you'd have to have the metabolism of a humming bird.

test post

test post because

1. I have new indoor shoes to shoe off for Poade to ridicule (NOT bought solely because I'm a Samurai Jack obsessed geek, honest)
2. Because Nack found somewhere free to post images too, and I want to see if anyone reports pop ups or such. Doesn't look like it.

busy doing

Have just downloaded and installed NaDa on my computer, and so far I'm very pleased with its operation. It doesn't do what it's designed to do as efficiently and expertly as I do it of course, but then what sort of a world would it be if computers had the answer for everything?
As always, I have remembered to add it to the IT Asset register to ensure that all the software running on my work PC is accounted for...

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Print Alan is Great

Snickers are now marketing a new bar called Snickers Marathon... you youngsters probably don't know why steam is now escaping from the ears of us oldies...

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w33kly b3ta cull

The sweary ad channel 4 are showing on their website and not on the telly... Judy Finnigan says fuck! Derren brown says cunt! giggle! (3 meg flash)

Nigella Lawson floating hamster infested disembodied head hand biting ingredient spewing pie making game. The game maker needs psychiatric help.

Chernobyl.

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game

pipedown. game. good.

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Work blues...

If this is true then I should be dead about now...

bow before your God

God I love that show. "US Air Force Chief of Staff General John P. Jumper as Himself". Anubis defeated in spectacular fucking fashion. Two Han and Leia like moments with Sam and Jack ("I know" line and the frozen Jack / carbonited Han thing). General Hammond at the helm of the Prometheus. More ships than you can shake a fucking big stick at. And now we have a new spin off series to look forward to. I think I may burst.

In other news, Popisdead is snowboarding with much of the Wolvo crowd on some Spanish hillock or something. The deadman refused on the grounds that it was not only only exercise, and not only exercise in the cold, but exercise in the cold that was dangerous. The deadman was roundily ridiculed for this attitude, but Poade has txt the tally from the first day of activity on the slopes: Greg has seven stitches...

further b3ta cull

Childishly gory version of that pingu game meme from a couple of weeks ago. And a history of all the versions.

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ntl Class of 2001 (only two graduated)

weekly b3ta cull

What do you do when you discover your loaf has been sliced length ways instead of width ways? Build the biggest fucking sandwich ever of course...

Lovers; clasp flesh even when it's cold with smittens...

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they gave me a ruler

I think I've discovered what ntl used when they restructured me once every six months.

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Annoying game

Filter the coloured balls

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Placebo

What a lovely bunch of lads. Very polite and friendly. I needn't review their music, cos we all know it's brilliant. Like Radiohead with chutzpah.

Peter O'Hanraha'hanrahan

Chortle:Unseen Day Today pilot out on DVD

Bahá'í

If regular viewers want to know what's going on in Barry's life, he's reclaimed his Bahá'í Faith. I'm opposed to religion on the grounds that I can be nice to people without having someone tell me to, but as religions go this is a fairly loved up one (and anything that keeps Baz off the slots and the slosh has to have its merits). It teaches that pretty much every religion has been a slow unveiling of truth by a single God to humanity, but now we're ready for thglobalal truth, and we should all love another. Dubya doesn't seem to be helping this cause, but it doesn't look like a cult so my fears are sated.

Certainly better than the Universal Life Church which is 'non-denominational and will ordain anyone for the asking'; including D4D.

Mr Benn & 'shopkeeper' seen boarding US flight...

San Fran gay mariage latest - Bert and Ernie tie knot: "I would be lost without my bitch Ernie".

"TV set which doubles up as a mirror "

New Scientist: "Anyone wanting to watch TV while brushing their hair or fixing their make-up can switch to 'picture in mirror' mode". err, great.

2nd largest brick built structure...

New £3m platform is unusable: "A new £3m platform at Stockport train station is unusable because plans to introduce a new computer-driven signal system have collapsed. Network Rail admits Victorian signal boxes are controlling trains at the station after rising costs and technical problems halted the upgrade. The company has run out of money to replace the Victorian boxes."